You Know You're Addicted to Friends When

You named your cats Chandler and Phoebe.

You have had dreams where you're the seventh Friend.

You *seriously* consider naming your future daughter Emma.

You can tell within 10 seconds of the beginning of the episodes exactly which one it is - and you can instantly remember what will happen.

You can't go one day without a Friends reference.

You are forever writing scripts for a Friends movie and sending them in (even if you have received several thousand rejection letters)

Your favourite words are - Doi, Yuh-hu and Nu-uh.

You only ever buy magazines because they have something to do with FRIENDS in them.

You get your hair cut like Jennifer Aniston's (even if it looks terrible on you).

You are able to perfectly re-enact every episode line-by-line.

You are always refering to real life incidents as 'The One With......'

You have made a soundtrack out of all of Phoebe's songs and you listen to it all day long.

You've taped every episode of FRIENDS since the very first one, and watch the tapes continually.

You refuse to drink any beverage (especially coffee/tea) if it isn't served in one of the cups like the ones they have at Central Perk.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to Friends.

You Know You're Addicted To Survivor When

When you lose a game of pick-up basketball, you turn to your teamates and dejectedly say
"Well, I guess we're gonna have to hike up to Tribal Council tonight."

Your friends begin to wonder why you always say "I like you guys...but not in a homosexual way."

When your math teacher threatens to kick you out of class for talking to much, you proudly shoot back "You can't. I have immunity."

You buy a Canadian Alliance membership since "the only people who ever win are those in an alliance."

When giving out your phone number, you give people your cell number, pager number, and coconut phone number.

When someone tells you you're going on a picnic, you immediately assume that all you'll be eating are Doritos and Mountain Dew.

You scour the local health food store for chicken feed.

You deliberately cook all your rice mushy because you know it will "piss Jerri off".

Whenever your girlfriend so much as mentions chocolate, you stand up and shout "The Colbster (or Danster, or Jamester or whatever your name is) is not a Hershey Bar!!!"

You throw buckets of water on people you don't like.

You justify all your actions by saying: "It's what Mike would have wanted us to do."

You think the Gore-Bush deadlock should have been decided on "previous votes."

At 12:50 every day, you announce: "The tribe has spoken. It's time to go...to Biology."

You plant beef jerkey in your friends backpack and when he leaves you tell people that you think he's been smuggling jerkey "behind our backs."

You find the mere mention of beef jerkey funny.

When voting in the provincial election voting booth, you neatly print "RALPH" on your ballot, then hold it up and say: "Ralph, if you were dying of thirst in the..."

You force yourself to watch VH1 Rock 'N Roll jeopardy just to see more of Jeff Probst.

Whenever you use a candle snuffer, you insist on saying: "The tribe has spoken."

You get the innexplicable urge to wave your finger in the face of any vegetarians you know.

You no longer talk to anyone you know named Jerri.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to Survivor.

You Know You're Addicted To Alias When

At every fast food joint you go to, you order "the special, no pickles" regardless of the fact that you LIKE pickles.

You believe wearing a colorful wig and tight clothing can help you get away with anything.

You check the sides of old book pages for Russian characters.

Every time you see a black Mercedes, it reminds you of Sark.

You notice every Ford Focus on the road.

You use the phrase "There are just so many problems with this..." at every possible opportunity.

You have suspicions that your spouse may actually be a double.

Your non- Alias obsessed friends (like you have any of those left! Hah!) refuse to talk to you about Italians, prophecies, pickles, wigs, parent/daughter relationships, spies or anything else that might lead to a discussion about Alias.

You actually BUY a blue Ford Focus. (With gold rims, of course)

You wonder if Sark actually could be Irina's son.

You develop opinions and theories about this and other unanswered facets of the show, and spend a large amount of time formulating arguments for both sides of the debate...The main question you ask yourself shopping is "Would Sydney wear something like this?"

You have seen every episode. Ever. More than 5 times a piece.

You went to see Daredevil just for Jennifer Garner.

You flip out when you see Michael Vartan in One Hour Photo married to someone else.

The mention of weddings, rings, or two years just gets you incredibly ticked off.

After getting a bad grade on a paper you tell your friend about your professor saying "legally he's right, ethically he's an ass."

If the topic of TV shows comes up, you automatically ask the person "Do you watch Alias?" and if they say they've never heard of it... you immediately end the conversation.

You hear the songs played in the show.. and you instinctively listen for the lines of the characters.. and know precisely when their lines occurred in the song.

Your history teacher mentions something about the KGB.. and you suddenly think "Irina?"

You have a codename that people actually call you by.

You think having no first name is a perfectly acceptable thing.

Old Asian men in wheelchairs creep you out.

You will never view epoxy in the same way again.

You find yourself trying to find good, compelling reasons to sway your significant other that your next child/pet should be named "Irina" or "Sydney."

You feel aggravated and insulted when you watch the episode of "Frasier" where Victor Garber plays Dr. Crane's British butler. ("Years of agent training and experience, wasted...")

You feel a strange urge to bite Mike Tyson's ear off every time you think of "Jimmy Kimmel Live."

Whenever you hear a truly interesting song, you immediately think of how that song would fit into a scene from Alias.

You find yourself criticizing the REAL CIA based solely on your knowledge of Alias.

You think Jerry Springer's guests have boring, uncomplicated family/friend relationships and easy, simple-to-fix personal problems.

You become incredibly irritated when people say, "That girl Sydney, doesn't she really report to someone else?" and can tell them exactly how many episodes behind the times they are.

You begin fantasizing about planting listening devices on your significant other's work clothes just to see if you can find anything exciting/spy-worthy.

You know what J/I, S/V, S/W, Sarkney, Slark, slash, and shipper are, and have opinions on all of them.

Every time you hear the Nokia ringtone, you get excited even though there's no way it could be Vaughn.

You look for air vents you could crawl into in case of an emergency.

On Monday morning instead of saying "hello" to your friend you just say "Did you SEE
VAUGHN'S BOXERS???"

The only people you have on your AIM buddy list are people you've met through Alias.

When you begin to doze off in history class and only snap back to attention when the teacher uses the words "Alliance" or "Covenant."

You record every episode, then go out and buy the DVDs as well.

You dream about Irina Derevko at least once a week.

Sweiss does not sound like a candy bar to you.

You assume that anyone who wears dark eyeliner is evil.

You meet a nice person and immediately become suspicious of their motives.

You constantly try to figure out ways to get Jack and Irina back together.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to Alias.

Gifts For My Birthday

I know I always get calls from my family as to what I want for my birthday which is Thursday, April 28. So, I'll just put a list here on my website.

1. A chair with wheels that I can use in my dorm room with arms.
2. Alias season 2 DVD
3. Ocean's Twelve DVD
4. any Johnny Depp poster
5. Alias soundtrack
6. flannel pajama pants size S or M

Country Songs

There are only a select few of country songs I like and here is the list.

1. Boot Scootin Boogie -- Brooks & Dunn
2. Sold At The Grundy County Auction -- John Michael Montgomery
3. She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy -- Kenny Chesney
4. Who's Your Daddy -- Toby Keith
5. Hard Workin Man -- Brooks & Dunn
6. I Am A Man of Constant Sorrow -- Soggy Bottom Boys

Madison

There is a movie called Madison that was filmed in my hometown of Marengo, Indiana. It opened last Friday on April 22 in the theaters. Also, part of it was fimed inside of Marengo Cave where I happen to work. I haven't seen it yet, but I hope that it is a good movie. Its taken like 6 or 7 years to FINALLY come to theaters, but it is finally out. Well I'm going to go do something else now. So, I will see ya'll later.

Top 10 shows EVER

1. Alias
2. Friends
3. Joey
4. ER
5. The Dick Van Dyke Show
6. I Dream of Jeannie
7. Family Guy
8. One Tree Hill
9. Las Vegas
10. Futurama

Spring Time

Ah, the smell of a gentle spring breeze. I LOVE SPRING TIME. It is the greatest time of year. Especially since I was born in the spring and I love when I was born because its not too hot or too cold. I have my window open while i'm writing this and it feels good outside, but it is 81 degrees outside right now. All the HOT guys come out of their dorms and some of them look like they have been hibernating. I swear some of the guys have just appeared out of nowhere because some of them i haven't seen EVER around campus. You can play frisbee, softball, tennis, baseball. Well I'm going to work on my speech. SEE YA'LL LATER.

A Few Jokes to Make Your Visit To My Website Worth While

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh... she got fired too."

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road at the same time. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells, “Pig! ”The man immediately leans out his window and shouts back, “Bitch!” They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.
"It's a period,'' said the little boy.
"Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?''
''Damned if I know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."

Blue Collar Comedy Tour

Ron White: I got thrown out of a bar in New York City. Now, when I say I got thrown out of a bar, I don't mean someone asked me to leave, and we walked to the door together, and I said, "Bye everyone, I gotta go!" Six bouncers picked me up and hurled me out of that bar like I was a Frisbee. Those big old New York bouncers that think about bouncing. They hang out with other bouncers, talking about bouncing. They go home at night and watch Road House and fondle themselves. For wearing a hat. I walk into a bar and the bouncer comes over to me, real pissy, and goes, "Take off the hat!" I'm like, "What's the deal?" He goes, "I'll tell you what the deal is. Gay people in this area wear hats; we're tryin' to keep them out of our club!" Oh really? The only way we can tell down in Texas is if they have their hair cut like, yours. And he got all pissed. Anyway, I took off the hat, and he walked away. About an hour later, I was drinking and I forgot. Ever forget? It happened to me. I put the hat on, and he comes back over. Now, I'm between six-one and six-six depending on which convenience store I'm leaving. I weigh two hundred and thirty pounds, and this guy comes over, poking me in the shoulder. He says, "You're outta here!" and I said, "I don't think so, Scooter!" And I was wrong. They hurled me out of that bar. And then they squared off with me in the parking lot, and I backed down from the fight, cause I don't know how many of them it would have taken to whip my ass, but I knew how many they were going to use. That's a handy little piece of information, right there. The police got called because we broke a chair on the way out, and I refused to pay for it. I refused to pay for it cause *we* broke it over *my* thigh. And at that point, I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability. The cop was like, "Mr. White, you are being charged with drunk in public-KA!" I was like, "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! I was drunk in a bar! They, threw me into public-KA! I don't want to be drunk in public! I wanna be drunk in a bar, which is perfectly legal! Arrest them!" He didn't arrest them, instead he had me do a field sobriety check, where you stand on one foot, raise the other foot six inches off the ground, and count to thirty. I made it to "woo!" Is that going to be close enough? It wasn't, so they called in for my arrest record. There's some good news! Satellites are linking up in outer space. Computer banks at NASA are kicking on. There's a telegraph in Fritch, Texas, going: beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
[Takes breath]
Ron White: Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. This part takes a while. Brrrrinnnng! Shorthand.
[pause]
Ron White: Beep. Now, I told you that story, to tell you this story. When I was seventeen, I was arrested for being drunk in... public. Jeff Foxworthy: Kinda seems to be a pattern there, Ron. Ron White: If you knew Morse code, you'd know that already. And one DWI, which was a bogus charge, cause it turns out they were stopping every driver, traveling down that particular sidewalk. And that's profiling. And profiling is wrong! The arresting officer, who I had literally known, all my life. You know what I mean? This guy lived four doors down the street me, in a town of less than four hundred people. *We've met.* Now, he takes me to jail, and he asks me if I have any aliases.
[Confused, stupid look]
Ron White: And I was just being a smartass, and I said, "Yeah. They call me, "Tater Salad!" " Seventeen years later, I'm handcuffed on a bench in New York with blood coming out of my nose, and this cop goes, "Are you Ron 'Tater Salad' White?" Ya caught me! Ya caught the tater!

Bill Engvall: I know my daughter's sixteen, and she's sitting in her room, on the computer, listening to music, and little boys are calling, oh my God. We had a kid call the house at *two* in the *morning.* Oh yeah, I lost it. First of all, I'm in La-La Land with Shania Twain up in the mountains somewhere. I hear a phone ring, and I'm like, 'Who's got a phone up in the mountains!' Finally I realized it was my phone, so I'm already ticked, and I go, 'Hello!' And this little boy goes, "Uh, is Emily there?" 'Dude! If you've got a brain in your skull, you will hang up this phone right now!' My wife goes, 'Bill! You gotta be nice!' No ma'am! Nice stops at midnight! She goes, 'what are you gonna do when these boys come over to our house?' Oh, I'll tell you what I'll do! I'll pull the young lad in close, so only he and I can hear the conversation. And I'll say, 'Look at me boy! Look at me! You see that little girl, over there? She's my only little girl, man. She's *my life.* So, if you have any thoughts, about hugging, or kissing, you remember these words: I've got no problem going back to prison!'

Quotes from the FUNNIEST show The Dick Van Dyke Show

Melvin (Mel) Cooley: I need a place to hide.
Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: Quick, grow some hair.

Melvin (Mel) Cooley: Rob, I did not come here to get insulted.
Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: Oh? Where do you usually go to get insulted? I'll go anywhere!

Rob Petrie: Four no tickets. I mean 44 no trump. I mean 44 no tickets. I mean 4 no trump! Haha, let's play tickets! Ouch! I mean let's play cards.

Rob Petrie: [tag scene from The Last Chapter] Are you ready for a little bit of good news?
Laura Petrie: Yeah, I think so.
Rob Petrie: I heard from the publisher today.
Laura Petrie: Yeah?
Rob Petrie: He hates it, boy!
[laughter]
Rob Petrie: He said it reminded him of about fifty other books.
Laura Petrie: He's kidding!
Sally Rogers: No, no, that's what they said.
Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: That's right. One editor said it stunk!
Laura Petrie: Well, why is everyone so happy?
Rob Petrie: Because Alan read it and he loved it.
Alan Brady: What do I know from style?
Rob Petrie: Honey, Alan wants to produce it as a television series.
Laura Petrie: [in amazement] Your book's going to be a television series?
Alan Brady: It's true, of course I won't do it until after my series is defunct, which may never be. Rob Petrie: Alan is going to play me.
Sally Rogers: And the three of us are going to write it and Leonard Bershad is going to produce it.
[loud commotion]
Rob Petrie: Wait, ho-hold it a second. Honey, what do you think?
Laura Petrie: Oh gosh, I don't know what to say - Alan is really going to play you?
Alan Brady: And Rob won't have to shave his head - I'll wear a toupee.

Melvin (Mel) Cooley: [clutching his temples] Look, I've got a great deal of work to do!
Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: So go ahead, tear your hair out!

Rob Petrie: Morning, honey.
[puckers his lips expecting a kiss, but instead gets an earful]
Laura Petrie: [in rapid-fire fashion] What do you mean by that? It may be a good morning for you, but it wasn't for me! You didn't have to clean up the mess that this one made when he decided to finger paint all over the bathroom mirror with the toothpaste. And you don't have to be concerned at all about the fact that the cleaning woman isn't coming today and you have five people coming over for lunch. Sure, go ahead, good morning! Why not?
Rob Petrie: [recoiling] Honey, give me another chance. I'll go out and come in again.
[starts for the door to the living room]
Rob Petrie: I won't say good morning - I'll just wave as I go by.

Quotes from the GREATEST movie of all time GLADIATOR

Maximus: Five thousand of my men are out there in the freezing mud. Three thousand of them are bloodied and cleaved. Two thousand will never leave this place. I will not believe they fought and died for nothing.

[addressing his troops]
Maximus: If you find yourself alone, riding through green fields with the sun on your face, do not be troubled, for you are in Elysium, and are already dead.

Commodus: You wrote to me once, listing the four chief virtues. Wisdom, Justice, Fortitude and Temperance. As I read the list I knew I had none of them. But i have other virtues, father. Ambition, that can be a virtue when it drives us to excel. Resourcefulness. Courage. Perhaps not on the battlefield but there are many forms of courage. Devotion, to my family, to you. But none of my virtues were on your list. Even then, it was as if you didn't want me for your son.
Marcus Aurelius: Oh Commodus, you go too far.
Commodus: I searched the faces of the gods for ways to please you, to make you proud. One kind word, one full hug while you pressed me to your chest and held me tight, would've been like the sun on my heart for a thousand years. What is in me that you hate so much?
Marcus Aurelius: Shh, Commodus.
Commodus: All I've ever wanted was to live up to you. Ceasar. Father.

Maximus: I knew a man once who said, "Death smiles at us all. All a man can do is smile back."
Commodus: I wonder, did your friend smile at his own death?
Maximus: You must know. He was your father.
Commodus: You loved my father, I know. But so did I. That makes us brothers, doesn't it? Smile for me now, brother.
[stabs him]

Maximus: My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.

Maximus: Ancestors, I ask you for your guidance. Blessed mother, come to me with the Gods' desire for my future. Blessed father, watch over my wife and son with a ready sword. Whisper to them that I live only to hold them again, for all else is dust and air. Ancestors, I honor you and will try to live with the dignity that you have taught me.

Some quotes from The Incredibles

Lucius Best: Honey? Where's my super suit?
Honey Best: What?
Lucius Best: Where - is - my - super - suit?
Honey Best: I, uh, put it away
Lucius Best: Where?
Honey Best: Why... do you need to know?
[helicopter explodes outside]
Lucius Best: I need it!
[Lucius rummages through another room of his condo]
Honey Best: Don't you think about running off doing no derrin'-do. We've been planning this dinner for two months!
Lucius Best: The public is in danger!
Honey Best: My evening's in danger!
Lucius Best: You tell me where my suit is, woman! We are talking about the greater good!
Honey Best: Greater good? I am your wife! I'm the greatest *good* you are ever gonna get!

Mr. Incredible: No matter how many times you save the world, it always manages to get back in jeopardy again. Sometimes I just want it to stay saved! You know, for a little bit? I feel like the maid; "I just cleaned up this mess! Can we keep it clean for... for ten minutes!"

Boy on Tricycle: [after watching the Parr Family defeat Syndrome over their house] Oh, man. . .THAT WAS TOTALLY WICKED!

Bob Parr: Weren't you in the news? Some show in, Prayge... Prague?
Edna 'E' Mode: Milan, darling. Milan. Supermodels. Hah! Nothing "super" about them... spoiled, stupid little stick figures with poofy lips who think only about themselves. Feh! I used to design for *gods*!
Edna 'E' Mode: You need a new suit, that much is certain.
Bob Parr: A new suit? Where the heck am I gonna get a new suit?
Edna 'E' Mode: You can't! It's impossible! I'm far too busy - so ask me now before I become sane.
Bob Parr: You want to make me a suit?
Edna 'E' Mode: You push too hard, darling! But I accept!
Edna 'E' Mode: It will be bold! Dramatic!
Bob Parr: Yeah!
Edna 'E' Mode: Heroic!
Bob Parr: Yeah. Something classic - like Dynaguy. Oh, he had a great look - the cape and the boots...
Edna 'E' Mode: No capes!
[Throws a wadded ball of paper at Bob's head]
Bob Parr: Isn't that my decision?
Edna 'E' Mode: Do you remember Thunderhead? Tall, storm powers? Nice man, good with kids. Bob Parr: Listen 'E'...
Edna 'E' Mode: November 15th of '58! All was well, another day saved... when his cape snagged on a missile!
Bob Parr: Thunderhead was not the brightest bulb...
Edna 'E' Mode: Stratogirl! April 23rd, '57! Cape caught in a jet turbine!
Bob Parr: E, you can't generalize about these things...
Edna 'E' Mode: Metaman - express elevator! Dynaguy - snagged on takeoff! Splashdown - sucked into a vortex! NO CAPES!

Bob Parr: Honey, stay here with the kids. I'm going in.
Helen Parr: Oh what am I supposed to do? Sit here on the sidelines?
Bob Parr: I'm am asking you to stay here with the kids, please.
Helen Parr: And I telling you no way. You're my husband and we are in this together for better or worse.
Bob Parr: I have to do this alone.
Helen Parr: What is this to you? Some sort of game?
Bob Parr: No, It's just...
Helen Parr: You're big chance to be Mr. Incredible again?
Bob Parr: What? No, I just... I'm not strong enough...
Helen Parr: And this will make you strong?
Bob Parr: Yes... No, it's not that.
Helen Parr: Is that what this is? Some sort of work out?
Bob Parr: No, I just...
Helen Parr: What is it, Bob?
Bob Parr: I CAN'T LOSE YOU AGAIN! I can't. Not again. I'm not... strong... enough...
Helen Parr: [kisses him] If we work together, you won't have to be.
Bob Parr: I don't know what will happen...
Helen Parr: Hey, We're super heroes. What could happen?

April

This month is most special to me. You are probably asking yourself, "Why is this month special to her?" I will tell you why. This month has my birthday in it. My birthday is April 28. I will be 19 on this very special day. So if you didn't know it was my birthday this month, now you do. I am in college so I will be going home that weekend to celebrate it with my family. So, if anybody wants to bring me presents they will have to wait until the following Monday.