GOLF quotes

Eighteen holes of match or medal play will teach you more about your foe than will 18 years of dealing with him across a desk. ~Grantland Rice

Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five. ~John Updike

I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's golf game: it's called an eraser. ~Arnold Palmer

Golf is a game that is played on a five-inch course - the distance between your ears. ~Bobby Jones

I'm about five inches from being an outstanding golfer. That's the distance my left ear is from my right. ~Ben Crenshaw

Golf is like a love affair. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart. ~Arthur Daley

Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can't play it. ~Ted Ray, Golf - My Slice of Life, 1972

The number of shots taken by an opponent who is out of sight is equal to the square root of the sum of the number of curses heard plus the number of swishes. ~Michael Green, The Art of Coarse Golf, 1975

If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. ~Paul Gallico

Golf is like an 18-year-old girl with big boobs. You know it's wrong but you can't keep away from her. ~Val Doonican

If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is. ~Horace G. Hutchinson

They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that. ~Gardner Dickinson

If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death. ~Sam Snead

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing. ~Phyllis Diller

Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour. ~Author Unknown

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick. ~P.J. O'Rourke

The sport of choice for the urban poor is basketball. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling. The sport of choice for front-line workers is football. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball. The sport of choice for middle management is tennis. The sport of choice for corporate officers is golf. Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become. ~Author Unknown

Golf is a good walk spoiled. ~Mark Twain

They throw their clubs backwards, and that's wrong. You should always throw a club ahead of you so that you don't have to walk any extra distance to get it. ~Tommy Bolt, about the tempers of modern players

When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. ~Author Unknown

If I can hit a curveball, why can't I hit a ball that is standing still on a course? ~Larry Nelson

Golf balls are attracted to water as unerringly as the eye of a middle-aged man to a female bosom. ~Michael Green, The Art of Coarse Golf, 1967

If your opponent is playing several shots in vain attempts to extricate himself from a bunker, do not stand near him and audibly count his strokes. It would be justifiable homicide if he wound up his pitiable exhibition by applying his niblick to your head. ~Harry Vardon

Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on grass. ~Bob Hope

If you're caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron. ~Lee Trevino

Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And it took a seven to do that. ~Jim Murray

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. ~Jim Bishop

I know I am getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators. ~Gerald Ford

I just hope I don't have to explain all the times I've used His name in vain when I get up there. ~Bob Hope, about his golfing

Some of us worship in churches, some in synagogues, some on golf courses. ~Adlai Stevenson