Memorable quotes from The Honeymooners

Ralph: Don't start that again, Alice. No wife of mine is gonna work. I got my pride. You know, no Kramden woman has ever supported her husband. The Kramden men are the workers in the family.
Alice: Wait a minute, Ralph. What about your father? For a long time there he didn't work at all.
Ralph: But neither did my mother. At least he kept his pride, Alice. He went on relief.

Alice: Ralph there's only one thing you can do. Only one thing. You just gotta go down there and give them back the $5, 000 and tell them the truth.
Ralph: They don't care about the $5, 000. This installment is on the stands now. They'll be laughed out of the business. What are they going to put in the next installment? Bus driver won't die from scratching fleas?

Ralph Kramden: You know something, sweetheart? Christmas is... well, it's about the best time of the whole year. When you walk down the streets, even for weeks before Christmas comes, and there's lights hanging up, green ones and red ones, sometimes there's snow and everyone's hustling some place. But they don't hustle around Christmastime like they usually do. You know, they're a little more friendlier... they bump into you, they laugh and they say, "Pardon me. Merry Christmas"... especially when it gets real close to Christmas night. Everybody's walking home, you can hardly hear a sound. Bells are ringin', kids are singing, the snow is coming down. And boy what a pleasure it is to think that you've got some place to go to. And that the place that you're going to, there's somebody in it that you really love. Some one you're nuts about. Merry Christmas.

[Ralph receives a letter from the I.R.S]
Ralph: Don't you realize how serious this is? They're investigating me!
Alice: Ralph, being investigated is not the end of the world. You are not the first person who was ever investigated.
Norton: You're darn right! The jails are full of them!

Alice: I'll go fix my lipstick. I won't be long, Killer. I call you "Killer" because you slay me.
Ralph: And I'm calling Bellview because you're nuts!